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for the Notorious Terrible Ted Noiz

I love Bigsbys but some do not. This is because they are not familiar with them and don't know how to set one up so it works efficiently without sloppiness and stays in tune virtually perfectly. Bigsbys are less aggressive than the Strat-type units and have a true vibrato feel while the Strat-style is too quick with less finesse and can do dive-bombing if it stays in tune that is. I have wanted to build this guitar for a while. It excited me. I wanted to fix the Gibson Firebird badly. I wanted to keep the vintage vibe but also make it into a high performance hot rod at the same time.

One of the amazing things about this guitar is the one piece Limba body. This body style takes a large piece of wood and its still one piece. This is very rare for any wood these days and especially for Limba. This is a rare piece of wood and makes a special guitar.

The other amazing thing is the pickups and the way they are wired. Obviously I need to watch what I divulge, since there are so many tinkerers who seem to use this website as their education in luthiery, even if they admit it or not. All I will say is that there are nuances in wiring which will make a guitar sound as such that you don't want to put it down. Contrast this with my PRS of many years ago, which actually made me lose interest in playing it was so dull. Although I feel that tone comes before the pickups and this means that the guitar must be built and designed for tone and as a music instrument first and foremost, the subtleties in the electronics is like the sauce on food. It just brings out the flavor of the instrument even more. Needless to say I love my versions of the P90 and its most likely the best there is. My wiring scheme with all its nuances gives this guitar a huge voice. The thick, warm rich and balanced tone that many only dream about is all here. Also the variety of tone the different combinations give is also truly amazing. Three very distinct sounds. It all results in a guitar you just don't want to put down.

I challenge anyone regardless of who you are, famous or a nobody, to come up with a better guitar than a Zachary. This goes out to all you fools and frauds who think of yourselves as professional guitar players but you are nothing other than prostitutes sucking the dick of Fender, Gibson, PRS, Ibanez or anyone you can find. You make me sick. How can anyone respect you as artists or even men or women of character? It does not matter to you who it is, as long as you get paid for it. This does not benefit the guitar as an instrument in any way.

I hope by this time everyone realizes that I am not playing games here. The plan from day one was to be the best in the world at what I do or nothing at all.

Body Style
Body Wood
Neck Wood
Fbd. Wood
Neck Joint

*One Piece

624 mm
Dual Size
Zachary Custom P90

Zachary Custom P90
8.5 lb

UPDATE    April 30, 2007

The 5 pics below will show the new much longer arm which was installed on this guitar after the original arm was removed. Now its even more of a monster. This is a custom arm which is 3 inches longer than the regular Bigsby arm. Since I am a big fan of long arms, the standard Bigsby arm was bugging me, I had to reach for it. That is not acceptable. It was too short. I don't like to reach for the arm when I play, especially around the end of the neck area, over the neck pickup, where I often play. Also the longer arm gives you more leverage and gives the unit a lighter action. The goal is maximum sensitivity, so the guitar becomes a part of the player, part of the body and physiological make-up of the player. The ultimate guitar design is the one you total forget you are playing. Who says size does not matter?

As a side note, if you have a chance take a look at the Bigsby design used on many traditional Gibson archtops or semi-acoustics like the ES 335. I cannot bare look at these guitars, they bug me so much. I actually get angry looking at them because I am looking at something, which is very wrong and it bugs me. Notice how far back the Bigsby is placed. That may be fine, however the standard arm barely clears the bridge. This is a blatant example of nobody caring about the details. Its like that Bigsby was not meant to be really used, it just looked good on the guitar. Nobody cared and guitar players never questioned it. Guitar players are a stupid bunch and I have a hard time respecting them. Its mostly the lack of technical knowledge and technical interest. Whatever they are fed by the big companies guitar players will swallow and continue to swallow for decades. They are intimidated by large corporations and follow blindly. Big companies can do no wrong. Truth is large companies and smaller ones aspiring to be large don't know fuck and don't care either other than the money they make.

I then don't approach it gently with understanding or even with civility. I knock guitar players over the head with a sledgehammer. Decades of idol worship is shattered and their faith in the big companies is challenged. I come along and tell them they are Idiots. This is when they all get offended all of a sudden and start kicking and screaming. As many know by now another disgusting example of this blind acceptance and mindless worship of large corporations are guitar strings and tension balance. We have discussed this already for the past year but the education continues.

So now you know guitar players, the standard Bigsby trem arm and also the standard Strat trem (which I improved several years ago) are too fucking short. So wake up, you have learned something new once again and its all free of charge. Go play, you are now smarter than you were 5 minutes ago. Kicking and screaming I will teach you about guitars. Its my mission and I don't want your money for it either.

I almost shit my pants when I saw the extended Bigsby arm on the G3. You must have had to pay Bigsby in sexual favors for that one. Outstanding. I've never seen that before. -Zack (DE)

Hi Alex, Congratulations on your latest masterpiece. You have created what is, by far and away, the Ugliest guitar on planet earth. You could seriously hurt somebody with that thing. You have outdone yourself. It is likely you don't have a single fan or friend in the world who knows what to expect from you at any given moment. I learned long ago to refrain from asking any questions and to just sit back and see what you are going to do next. I haven't been disappointed yet. And, for those of us who have at least a half a brain - all one has to do is follow logic and common sense to understand what you are doing. Explanations are not necessary. You either get it or you don't.

It was just coincidence that today I was sitting in a music store playing a new Firebird and thinking, "Damn, what a piece of shit - and look at that insane price tag!" And at the same time, thinking - "But the design of the body is cool and has a great deal of potential. I really love this guitar! Why doesn't someone see what is wrong with this thing and fix it?!"

Later on, I walk into the house and turn on the computer and see that my lament, my prayer is answered... Alex fixed the Firebird! We'd talked about your fixing the Firebird before. What you have done here with 230407, the World's First ZOG (Zachary Optimum Guitar) G3, is pure genius. The Bigsby is a completely different style of tremolo than anything else. I absolutely love the Bigsby. It is a smooth, liquid, and true tremolo, where other trem systems are devil-may-care, edgy, nervous, not well thought out, and just plain wacky and reckless to work with. Most aren't even worth having. Too much trouble.

But add to the Bigsby your Magic Nuts, your deep, tight, "Witch Pussy" neck pocket - and you've got a crystal clear lake on a dusky midsummer Canada evening with a surface as smooth as glass. I see the overweight tuners and the massive headstock problem instantly becomes history with your Samurai Headstock and Vintage tuners. Problem solved. Balance achieved. End of story. Looks great, too.

Another added feature comes with your use of the Bigsby as opposed to your usual tremolo: you don't have to take any wood away from the body of the guitar to make way for the tremolo system, thus enhanced acoustic capability, optimum vibration, tone, and thicker, warmer volume. I'll take your word on the pickups. I have never been happy with original P90 pickups - but your version of them leave the originals in the dirt. I love the cutaway at the lower front bout of the guitar. I'm certain there is no problem reaching the upper frets.

Love your choice of woods! The one-piece Limba body, Purpleheart neck and Ebony fretboard screams to play my Blackened Bluez. This guitar is a deadly weapon that was born to kill. I would be more than happy to stain the wood with blood, gore, bone fragments, and teeth in every battle. This guitar is a Revolutionary and a Patriot born to fight a war for Freedom and for Bill of Rights Absolutism. This guitar is me! This guitar is almost exactly as I imagined it would be. The Bigsby is an unexpected and wonderful surprise - but aside from that, she is just all Z, all the way. Pure common sense, functionality, and liberation from stupidity and frivolous, useless nonsense. She is perfect. I've got several names for this guitar spinning around in my head already, but I haven't decided for certain which one I will pick.

Alex, you have really done it this time. Absolutely amazing.    Ted Noiz (NV)

Hi Alex, Hey, now I see why you have been quiet for a while. It must be real exciting for you to work on a completely new project, and the end result is stunning!! Great effort on the first G3 !! Thare is so much I could say about it. I look forward to hearing some samples on this one. I'm sure you'll get a lot of imput on it, both good an bad, but you know that we know just how good it is. Those that don't like it can go an fuck themselves!! :-) Have a great day, Orlando (AU)

I just saw it. I was worried that something had happened to you, but now I see what you have been It is unbelievable how you can take a vintage guitar design, extract it's very essence and rework every detail until it becomes such a beast that it makes my heart pound just looking at it's picture on the internet. Firebird indeed. If so then it is the Trans Am model with the decal on the hood depicting the Phoenix rising from the ashes! This guitar is like that. A Firebird whose resurrection has apparently been long overdue. You know, Trans Am or Phoenix might be a good name for this beauty... James Chapman, official Zachary Zealot! (Arizona)

Alex, I just wanted to say that that new G3-T looks AWESOME. It has that nice rustic feel, almost like that of a Lake Tahoe lodge. Upload some videos of you with that Bigsby in action!     best regards, Justin.

Hi Alex, WOW!. Just have to say, I've been waiting all week (well, maybe a few weeks) to see whats coming and was not expecting that another classic with improvements. The Bigsby is a great look, I think all the tremelo Firebirds I've seen had that gibson trem, whatever its called. The Limba wood on this one and 250206 is beautiful, like some kind of mocha or something. It was worth the wait, I should have expected something special. Bruce

Sublime,        JR (UK)

"I challenge anyone regardless of who you are, famous or a nobody, to come up with a better guitar than a Zachary. This goes out to all you fools and frauds who think of yourselves as professional guitar players but you are nothing other than prostitutes sucking the dick of Fender, Gibson, PRS, Ibanez or anyone you can find. You make me sick." This is the fucking quote of the century and should go on your front page. I laughed my ass off.

Quite sincerely, I never, in the small time that we've known each other, thought you would build something like this. It is astounding. Unbelievable.

I've played firebirds. They are EXTREMELY headstock heavy and fucking atrocious to play. I would love to have my hands on that G3. The Bigsby is also a nice unexpected touch. It is truely a landmark improvement on the design because if it plays anything like my Z2, which I know it does, it is one of a hundred or so best guitars in the world. You win.

I got your pedal. Thank you so much. I will be using it in the studio next Thursday. Gravity Works is recording a five song demo and it will be sent to you when it is mixed for your listening pleasure. You really care about other people. That is what makes you special and why you get noticed and copied. Big things are about to happen!!!! Later, Zack (DE)

Wow, just blown away by the new eye candy..... not quite sure what to say - definitely wasn't expecting that!!! You are most definitely full of surprises!!! YEAH!!!!

Alex, the G3T is just another example of pure innovation. You did your research on the Firebird and then put the Zachary mojo on it. No one else is doing this, there's no way they could because innovation has all but vanished. All the industry puts out anymore is regurgitated crap - trying to recapture the old with no new real innovations. No one is willing to put themselves on the line and produce products with true originality least they upset the bean counters. It's refreshing to visit the Zachary website; it's like a cold slap in face. It exposes all the bullshit that's going on in the Guitar business, for that matter all big businesses. We are so bombarded by the hype everyday that it's easy to get caught up in it. The Zachary site brings you back to reality.
Thanks Alex, keep givin' em hell.   Eagle H.

WOW--that's a great guitar--good idea, I love those (Firebird), and the basses too.    Joe

Look at that BEAST!!! It is a wild animal grown and raised in some savage place. What can you say really? I am at a loss. You must record a vid for us so we can hear what a properly installed Bigsby is all about paired with the Zach P-90s and famous Z acoustic resonance. Eli (NYC)

Hi there bro! Congratulations for the Firebird Alex, I use not to like this model much but I think I'm suffering a conversion men, and if that Bigsby slides as you say, I've never seen a Bigsby placed so well on a guitar... beautiful, a mix between a stone and a space craft, I wait to hear some samples of that beauty.
Hope your fine Alex. Cesar (Guatemala)

When I first saw her I said what is Voodoo Chile 250206 doing on this page but then I saw the Bird. Limba does make for a striking wood choice for body. It's like molten lava oozing from every pore. Glad you went in this direction for Bird. This is the big sister of Voodoo Chile. Anxious to hear how she sounds. What else do you have coming out? A Z take on the flying V? Take care Maestro. Ed (MI)

HI Alex, Regarding 230407, the more I look at it, the more I love it!! Ted is a very lucky man, and must be beside himself!! Boy, you really do deliver the goods, and I think if it wasn't going to Ted, but some "stranger" you would probably rather keep this one as well. I can't wait for the Z amp now, even though I'm patient because I know it will be perfect, or it won't leave your house. Such is the way you are. Cheers my friend, Otlando (AU)

Well, the G3 Z-bird is certainly NOT what I was expecting! But she is a real beauty. Somehow, in your hands, the Firebird shape looks more balanced and more elegant than the Gibson original - and I never liked that raised centre thru-neck section (altough I do quite like Gibson's use of banjo tuners, even if thay are a bit of a gimmick). Black Limba is such a gorgeous wood and it's interesting to see you featuring P90s again. And a real Bigsby! Truly a very different Zach from everything or anything that's been before. Whoever gets her is a very lucky person indeed.

PS. The Esquire.com article is excellent. I'm glad they had the balls to do it. And - who knows - the message might lodge in a few more craniums. We can but hope.
Best     Ludwik (UK)

Ted Noiz Speaks 6-Months After Receiving This Guitar

Hey Alex, I stole away from the election (which Ron Paul will undoubtedly lose) and all my other business at hand to come home and play the Z-Bird today. While I was at it, I discovered in a sudden and rare moment of clarity that the Z-Bird is the most excellent Jazz guitar available. In addition to my Blackened Bluze Muze, I can break off clean as a whistle and Jazz it up, no problemo.

I can get these big, fat, warm hollowbody sounds out of it. Strange, but true. The P90s are extremely clean and crisp. Chords come out mean, fat, and horribly nasty if I want, or perfectly clean and exposing every single note. The big fat chunk of Limba is a sounding board for some of the finest tones I have ever heard.

The larger and more weighty body goes completely unnoticed, even after two hours of standing up and playing straight, hard, and relentlessly, working up a good sweat. That's because the guitar is so perfectly balanced and the body of the guitar is cut/contoured to be played -- not fucking gawked at, like all those other pieces of shit out there that make you feel like you are carrying a ton, that flop around, and when you bend your torso over the fucking thing, the edge of the body cuts into your ribs and digs into your leg.

Anyway, I was Jazzin' this afternoon and just thought I would let you know what I found.              Ted Noiz

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